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Sixteen Literary Luminaries On The Controversial and Self PDFEPUB #188 Subject Of Being Childless By Choice Collected In One Fascinating AnthologyOne of the main topics of cultural conversation during Selfish Shallow PDF or the last decade was the supposed fertility crisis and whether modern women could figure out a way to way to have it all a successful demanding Shallow and Self Epub #218 career and the reuired children before their biological clock stopped ticking Now however conversation has tu So here s the deal I read the first four five essays and just had to call it uits Turns out that I m just not interested in why people don t want to have kids I know totally surprising because I also don t care why people do have kids You do you and I ll do me But for those who are perhaps interested in the premise behind the book I m not sure that this book is the best way to find answers or explanations Just like in real life sometimes people don t have kids because they are selfish bitches me and sometimes they don t have kids because the timing and relationship was never right and sometimes they don t have kids for a thousand other reasons However these essays all just seemed to be variations on what privilege education class money time allows you to make choices about But ya know I only read the first couple of essays Maybe life changing things happened after I gave up ETA I thought about this and I remembered the exact point at which I stopped reading Lionel Shriver s essay it was horrifyingly racist in that she laments that her choice not to have kids means she won t be passing along her intelligent and literary European genes If I feel oh a little wistful about the fact that the country of my birth the United States will probably within my lifetime no longer be peopled in majority by those of European extraction like me that passing dismay has never been considerable enough for me to inconvenience myself by giving lifts to football practice Her whole essay was about how it was so sad that her white and educated friends weren t having babies but that developing countries and immigrants were Yep that was when I stopped reading

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Selfish Shallow and Self Absorbed Sixteen Writers on The Decision Not To Have Kids

Rned to whether it's necessary to have it all or Shallow and Self Absorbed Sixteen PDF perhaps controversial whether children are really a reuirement for a fulfilling life The idea that some women and men prefer not to have children is often met with sharp criticism and incredulity by the public and mainstream mediaIn this provocative and controversial collection of essays curated by writer Meghan Daum sixteen acclaimed writers explain why they have chosen to eschew parenthood Contributors Lionel S I ve known since I was a kid that I didn t want to be a mother I have a distinct memory of being 7 or 8 and joining my own mom and her aunts and cousins on a Memorial Day trip to decorate family graves In the cemetery I remember coming across a string of Depression era headstones for a set of siblings who all died as children and declaring I never wanted to have kids I don t know why that was the moment it clicked for me but it was The women who were there with me all enjoyed a good laugh and told me that I would change my mind one day when I grew up You know what It s been than 20 years and I still haven t changed my mind But just as recently as last week people are still telling me that I ll change my mind Turns out people ask a lot of uestions about your plans for parenthood when you are a newlywed I want to tell all these people I m 31 goddamn years old I think I ve had enough time to think this through I ve had moments of doubt along the way where I wonder if maybe I ll regret it when I get old I ve even picked out names for children I know I don t want Chelsea Evan and Ryan Cage But 999% of the time I think about the idea of doing it and I know that it is not an experience I want for myself There s a whole slew of reasons why I feel this way I m an incredibly anxious person and sometimes just having a cat to provide for is stressful enough a dog seems like too much work for me I don t trust that I would ever feel confident in what I was doing to the point where I wouldn t permanently fuck up a child My own mother passed away when I was a teen and I can t imagine coming home from the hospital with a newborn and not having her there to tell me what to do with my nipples It s only been within the last couple years that I ve gotten to a place where I feel financially stable and the cost of raising a child would almost certainly destroy that I would have to forgo most of the things that I ve always wanted to do that I couldn t afford when I was in my twenties and I wouldn t have the kind of mobility I want in my life to be able to move to a new city uninhibited I think of how busy I am now and how hard it already is to find time to relax between work and general household kind of stuff Throwing a kid into the mix would be overwhelming Then there s the fact that I simply don t enjoy being around kids I m not I hate kids or anything but I really don t have the patience to deal with temper tantrums and even when it s time to play it s exhausting to put myself on the same level as a small kid for than anything considered brief It s just not for me Not even a little bit Call me selfish call me self absorbed whatever I know it s not something I want and I know it s not something I would ever feel like I was doing well I come across so few like minded females and as and of my friends begin to procreate I feel like they re drifting away from me whether because we now have less in common or because they just have less time I don t know but it still makes me sad So I was really excited to read this book and feel like I could relate There were a few essays that made me wrinkle my nose but overall this book is fantastic Reading it was a powerful experience for me

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Hriver Sigrid Nunez Kate Christiensen Elliott Holt Geoff Dyer and Tim Kreider among others offer a uniue perspective on the overwhelming cultural pressure of parenthood Selfish Shallow and Self Absorbed makes a thoughtful and passionate case for why parenthood is not the only path in life taking our parent centric kid fixated baby bump patrolling culture to task in the process What emerges is a nuanced diverse view of what it means to live a Shallow and Self Absorbed Sixteen PDF full satisfying lif Until about a year ago I always thought I would eventually have kids As I made my way through my twenties watching my friends have babies I would feel the occasional twinge of a biological urge and assumed one day that would be me with the swollen belly and piles of tiny jumpers to organize I m not entirely sure what changed but lately I ve been pretty convinced that motherhood is not for me My boyfriendroommate has always said he doesn t want children and I believed him but always kind of secretly thought he would change his mind Now looking at our relationship and why this was never a deal breaker for me I can see the truth is my love for him has always outweighed my desire for a baby If a baby had really been that important to me I would ve done everything in my power to pursue that goal I love my freedom love the thought that we can leave for a vacation on a whim or as the essay by Tim Kreider said There s really nothing stopping me on any given Tuesday morning from taking up heroin An extreme example to be sure but the man has a point there is no end to the free will of the childlessReflecting on my life as the oldest sibling of four I can remember how nervously I would watch my sisters and brother when we were out in public how much I would worry about them especially when we went swimming in the murky lake I d hold my breath every time as I waited for the bubbles that mean a head was about to pop through the surface I constantly feared something would happen to them And though some might say that this is an obvious mothering instinct the truth is that it was not fun in the slightest I don t like being anxious and the thought of being in that state for years does not appeal to me Not to say that you should actively avoid what you re afraid of but to me the risks are greater than the rewardsAs you can see I have my reasons for resisting motherhood and found myself curious about how other people s reasons compared One of my favorite bloggers mentioned this book and I immediately knew I had to read it partially in order to discover if this could be the lifestyle for me Contained within are 16 brilliant touching and funny essays by mostly older writers 13 women and 3 men who ultimately decided not to have a child Some of them always lacked the instinct some let their lives decide for them others wavered over time One woman went so far as to pay for sperm from a donor get pregnant and miscarry before realizing it wasn t what she actually wantedAlthough most of the essays held my interest my two favorites were A Thousand Other Things by Kate Christensen and The Trouble with Having It All by Pam Houston The first spoke of how if she had gotten what she wanted when she wanted it a baby she would not be living the wonderful life she has now She also emphasizes how it s pretty much impossible to miss something you ve never had She writes I picture my life without children as a hole dug in sand and then filled with water Into every void rushes something Nature abhors a vacuum I found this to be a beautiful image and true for those who don t have children we will fill our lives with other joys Along these lines the latter essay delves into the idea of having it all and tries to debunk the myth that there even is such a thing Because the truth is by having a child you have no choice but to give up something that you would have otherwise enjoyed Time does not bend to our willsAnother common theme within is the social stigma against people who are child free by choice Such people are considered selfish or immature when the truth is that the decision NOT to have kids is often something people put thought into than the decision TO have kids Obviously the choice to have a child can be just as selfish as the choice not to Let s count the ways1 Aren t you afraid you ll be alone when you re old This thought has never bothered me much as there is no guarantee I will even get old There s also no way to know if your kids will have a significant amount of free time to spend with you as adults I ve always enjoyed alone time and independence and if I do end up in a nursing home I m sure by that time there will be plenty of robots dressed as candy stripers to keep me company2 Don t you want to see your genes passed on This is our biological imperative and yet are my genetic traits really that important I m fairly positive I d make a beautiful and creative uniue weirdo It would also be trippy to see what my boyfriend and I would look like combined But there are lots of websites for that if I m really curious And honestly I was just too lazy to upload a photo of myself so how am I supposed to overcome this ridiculous laziness to raise a child Thankfully I have three siblings who plan on having kids so in a sense my genes will live on And I plan on being a delightfully demented auntie3 You should do it because it s what normals do I ve never wanted to be regular and I don t plan on starting now4 You ll regret it if you don t It s possible but everyone in life has regrets And I promise that plenty of people have regretted having children leaving them with grandparents or in foster care or doing the unspeakably worseThe great thing about this book is it is not trying to change anyone s mind I expect childless people will read it than parents but hopefully some of the latter will because it can be illuminating to read about an alternate lifestyle In the cases of many of these writers they feel it has helped their careers to have the free time to sit at a desk for 12 hours and pump out novels The art is the baby Obviously there are plenty of working writers who have kids but it takes a special kind of person to be able to do bothI m very happy I stumbled across this collection I truly believe if you re uestioning like me it will provide invaluable insighthttpsyeshallbejudgedwordpresscom


10 thoughts on “Selfish Shallow and Self Absorbed Sixteen Writers on The Decision Not To Have Kids

  1. says:

    I received a digital ARC of this title from NetgalleyI will never have children I made up my mind on this years ago and now as I near 30 I have no inclination to change my mind If I have a 'biological clock' it'

  2. says:

    So here's the deal I read the first four five essays and just had to call it uits Turns out that I'm just not interested in why people don't want to have kids I know totally surprising because I also don't care why people do have kids You do you and I'll do me But for those who are perhaps interested in the premise behind the book I'm not su

  3. says:

    I was slightly disappointed that most of the women in the book had actually courted or coveted motherhood for a time and missed the window than made an active choice ironically I most identified with a male writer's essay be

  4. says:

    I've known since I was a kid that I didn't want to be a mother I have a distinct memory of being 7 or 8 and joining my own mom and her aunts and cousins on a Memorial Day trip to decorate family graves In the cemetery I remember com

  5. says:

    I'm uite disappointed I had such high hopes The summary called to me the intro was stellar and had me nodding i

  6. says:

    I received this book from Netgalley in exchange for an honest reviewI don't want childrenAt my age however this statement is usually met with the response of Oh but you're so young You'll change your mindThis is not only condescending but inaccurate which honestly bothers me Not every woman is built to be a mother Children can be great sure But I've never been one to ooh and ahh over baby pictures find myself unable to r

  7. says:

    Much has been written about women having it all and the difficulties for women with balancing work and child re

  8. says:

    This hit the spot Almost I wanted to read the perspectives of writers who not only didn't have children but were thrilled with the decision to

  9. says:

    Until about a year ago I always thought I would eventually have kids As I made my way through my twenties watching my friends have babies I would feel the occasional twinge of a biological urge and assumed one day that would be me with the swollen belly and piles of tiny jumpers to organize I’m not entirely sure what changed but lately I

  10. says:

    Overall I think this book's importance in our society cannot be expressed enough I'm so grateful to the author for giving this viewp

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