How Not to F Them Up Download ´ 108

Oliver James ´ 8 Download

How Not to F Them Up raises important uestions about the way in which we bring up our children Do we as a society provide enough support for How Not Kindle parents How has the role of the father changed in recent years Can a working mum ever reconcile her career with her family lifeDrawing on extensive interviews James identifies three basic types of mum the Hugger the Organiser and the Fleximum Outlining the benefits and pitfalls of each James I read this book whilst my wife was pregnant We now have a happy 5 month old little man In a nutshell there are two styles of parenting a baby 1 the baby is made to adapt to the parents lifestyle or 2 the parents adapt o the babies lifestyle To let the baby cry or not let the baby cry that is the uestion The author sides with option 2 and I tend to agree Babies know how to be babies but first time parents have no idea how to be parents

Summary Ù eBook, ePUB or Kindle PDF ´ Oliver James

How Not to F Them Up

Offers simple strategies to reconcile parents' personal ambition and desire for a career with the needs of the family and maintaining a worklife balanceBy challenging our ingrained and often flawed beliefs James shows us how our own childhood experiences can impact on our perception of 'the family' and how Not to F PDF #180 ultimately we can provide the happy and stable environment that all babies and toddlers need regardless of our own upbringin interesting in parts but overly simplistic and most case examples seemed to come from a very affluent London centric bubble tried to make me feel very bad about my choice out of limited options of nursery care for my children when they were younger however according to him I am able to do the mental gymnastics necessary to sleep at night I think his view that the world is going to get better is hopelessly naive Most mothers I have spoken to are pragmatic aware that there are limited choices and we just have to make the best we can out of these Yes it would be fabulous if the working world were so arranged that I could be paid to take 3 years per child out of work and be guaranteed my job at the end of that plus enough of a pension at the end of my working life but until that nirvana exists stop blaming individual women for the decisions they are forced to make in a world designed by men for some men

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Are you confused to F eBook #180 by parenting advice from experts who contradict each other Concerned about the possible effects of being a working mother Terrified of turning into your own parentsParents today are overwhelmed with elaborate advice on how to raise babies In How Not to F Them Up leading child psychologist Oliver James argues that it's not our children that must be trained it's usMeticulously researched inspiring and yet provocative Don t get me wrong there s a goodly scattering of interesting and sometimes worthwhile ideas in this book But James knows dangerously little about birth or infant feeding which are kind of relevant to infant existence without seeming to realise He does at least say up front that his book is not about working class child rearing on the grounds that such people have so little choice in how they rear their children that there s no point addressing them AhemHe also borrows and reworks someone else s categorisation of types of mother I don t know why he can t use commonly used terms from the literature although I have some ideas So we have the Organiser the Hugger and the Fleximum with examples from interviews which include far too many irrelevant details His essential thesis appears to be mother know thyself if you think you need to work that is what you should do or you will become depressed and depressed mothers are number one bad news for children The key thing is that to work without damaging your child you must not choose a day care nursery rather than a childminder nanny or relativeWhat perturbs me is that he appears to have no concept that unless you find childrearing or housework intrinsically fulfilling there could be any other route to mental health than paid work it is a route of course I am not sure he actually knows what people who are not gainfully employed even do with their days This seems pretty weird for the man who wrote Affluenza He also seems to be sticking firmly to the line that what type of mother you are is determined by how you were cared for as a child yourself and that should you experience emotional distress you must seek therapy that will focus on your own childhood experiences nay traumas Now I am mighty fond myself of asking mothers to reflect on their own upbringing and acutely sensitive to the limitations and potential abuses of cognitive behaviour therapy but James verges on the rabidHe seems at first superficially to prefer the Hugger Mum style but hedges it about with suggestions of opting out and a danger of being unable to cope with increasing independence in the child fair enough I thought until I realised that he was suggesting that some women enough to raise the issue can t even cope with the idea that their baby of a few months is mobile No I think he is ultimately comfortable with the sensible realistic Fleximum so long as she doesn t chop and change her child s carer too often or kid herself when she is making choices which only benefit her and not her childI often enjoy Oliver James so I was not expecting to come away from this book feeling that ultimately it is a piece of tat and best avoided


10 thoughts on “How Not to F Them Up

  1. says:

    Don't get me wrong there's a goodly scattering of interesting and sometimes worthwhile ideas in this book But James knows dangerously little about birth or infant feeding which are kind of relevant to infant exi

  2. says:

    James's book is well written with lots of evidence uoted to back up his view I also found it really useful reading about the different types of mother and how your own childhood experience affects your parenting not always in the ways you would predict However I did find that his attitude to classincome no one on a low income will be reading this book anywayreally distasteful and I would have liked to have seen on the wa

  3. says:

    I could rant about this book but lets just keep it simple They need to change the title of this book to i'm wealthy heres my personal sob story of finding the right hired help while i return to work just for fun That is all

  4. says:

    I read this book whilst my wife was pregnant We now have a happy 5 month old little man In a nutshell there are two styles of parenting a baby 1 the baby is made to adapt to the parents lifestyle; or 2 the parents adapt o the babies lifestyle To let the baby cry or not let the baby cry that is the uestion The author sides with option 2 and I tend to agree Babies know how to be babies but first time parents have no ide

  5. says:

    I'm SO glad I read this book I had no idea I was doomed to be a crap parent because my parents like all other parents were crap too

  6. says:

    I found his attitude towards low income mothers offensive and downright classist This book is nothing like They f you up I guess it's only mildly useful if you're an upper middle class married woman with an interest in mommy wars but it will teach you nothing about child psychology I was a fan of Oliver James but this book was extremely disappointing

  7. says:

    This is an interesting expansion of his earlier work 'Affluenza' which I love and most likely 'They F You Up' which I haven't read Oliver James presents readers with three types of mother the Hugger the Organiser and the Fleximum To over simplify and summarise the Hugger is a stay at home Earth Mother the Organiser is a career oriented user of substitute care and the Flexi changes approach as and when reuired

  8. says:

    interesting in parts but overly simplistic and most case examples seemed to come from a very affluent London centric bubble tried to make me feel very bad about my choice out of limited options of nursery care for my children when they were younger however according to him I am able to do the 'mental gymnastics' necessary to sleep at night I think his view that the world is going to get better is hopelessly

  9. says:

    If I could have given a 2 a half I would have I found this book interesting and do agree with some of his theories if not all however I thought it was badly written and felt like it had been rushed and not edited properly There's uite a lot of repetition and occasionally I could see what he was trying to say b

  10. says:

    This book is going to be upsetting for some because of the authors comments about day care and working mumshowevveeerrr as a work from home hu

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